Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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