He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
