And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
