I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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