guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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