i don't like sucking hair
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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