dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
