Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
