I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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