So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
