yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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