Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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