wrigley field is MILF paradise
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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