her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
