The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my being single is dangerous.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
