did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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