I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
