how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
