The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
