I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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