i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
