i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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