awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
