Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The air was thick with penises
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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