I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
