My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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