we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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