okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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