I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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