OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
