I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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