I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
