honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
