I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I should be sponsored by Trojan
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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