either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
