Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Randomize
