So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
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and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
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I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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