I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
