lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
