apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I supernannyed him into submission
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
