what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
