We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
