i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
