remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
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It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
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we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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