If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
