The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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