1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he puts the penis in happiness.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
