We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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