I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
