so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
