I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
