Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
