been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
should my penis look like a turkey
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
