there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I came so hard my ears popped.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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