Cold hands, warm shart.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
