There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
