I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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