So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
