shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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