quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
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Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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