I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
