I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
