you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
