Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
