at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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