In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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