im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
too bad you live with your parents still
zippers are such a cool invention
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
