Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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