sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
