I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
