This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
