the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
