I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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