Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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