So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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