When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
