Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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