using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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