Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
