she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
