It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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