it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
