I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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